Food for thought.

Chanced upon this while I was doing my reading:

We use words like “poverty” or “obesity” without thinking … even the most simple words are categories for entire systems of meaning.

Donileen R. Loseke.

The beauty of doing Sociology, a decision that I’ll never regret.

When something was broke, you fixed it.

This month has been a really rough month for us. You took up more responsibilities, you became more stressed up, you wanted to distant us. Slowly, I felt that we started drifted, that I found it hard to come close to you, to ask how are you. You finally couldn’t handle the stress, you wanted to walk away. I pulled you back, and I’m glad I did.

You opened up, saying that you felt really down, you had so much things on your mind. You have always been my superman. What hurt me the most was when you said “Sorry, your superman is not superman anymore.” How much did you went through that made you said such things. How much stress have you been taking, how much pressure were you under. But, I’m thankful that you opened up your heart to me. It wasn’t easy, but you managed to open up and told me what have you been going through.

After that night, I thought we would not be the same. We took some time to cool off, to think through. And, I now just want to be a supportive girlfriend for you. It’s going to be our 4th year together in 5 months time. The journey was so tough, there were so many ups and downs, to the point we started doubting whether do we want to be with each other for the rest of our lives. We seriously did have those kind of thoughts, it was scary. But it’s a good reflection for us, for me and for you. For me to become a better partner for you in the future. It is very easy to walk away, but, it’s not easy to stay and fix a broken piece. 

I’m glad we didn’t walk away, and thankful that I can be by your side to hold your hands while you’re going through all these. It won’t be easy, but this will just be another obstacle for us.

I’d rather be in a relationship where I can really get to know the real you, the real side of you that I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with. Thankful that you are still holding tight onto my hands.

Busyyyy

Am so busy with so many stuff that I barely have enough time to breathe!

But, I hope that I am making the best out of my university life 🙂

What am I busy with?

Chingay 2015,
Research paper,
SICS Internal Executive (interviews, SICS day)
SMU Smiling Hearts,
Every day school stuff – meeting, assignments, readings, projects.

Hope I can survive these 3 weeks! Ciao~

情人知己

梁文音
情人知己

像一個孩子賴在你懷裡 願二十四小時形影不離
兩個人的悄悄話 一輩子說不煩聽不膩

仰頭看你微笑瞇起眼睛 溫柔的好像愛情的詩句
你無條件包容我 被疼愛的感覺很快樂

我~非常愛你 非常確定 你像情人 又像知己
多麼幸運能遇見你 是上天賜給我的福氣
那種開心 那種窩心 那種安心
幸福很難 我相信 只要我們夠努力
沿途搖呀晃呀也都是美景

你有改不掉的粗心大意 我有偶爾發作的小任性
因為相愛就可以 對每個小毛病 有耐心

每次想你我就更愛自己 原來思念也可以很溫馨
世上最近的距離 是兩個人的心 在一起

我~非常愛你 非常確定 你像情人 又像知己
多麼幸運能遇見你 是上天賜給我的福氣
那種開心 那種窩心 那種安心
幸福很難 我相信 只要我們夠努力
沿途搖呀晃呀也都是美景

我~非常愛你 非常確定 愛的甜蜜 愛的貼心
每次爭吵都要練習 壞情緒轉過身就失憶
非常愛你 深深愛你 沒有懷疑
幸福很難 我相信 只要我們夠努力
沿途搖呀晃呀也都是美景

每次看你就有一份安定 知道今後我哪兒也不去
在我們的小天地 專心的愛著你

This month has been a tough month for both us to adjust to our new environment, there were hurtful memories, there were hurtful words, but, we apologized, we cried, and then, we love(d) again. As mush as I hate those memories, but I’m thankful for the memories, I’m thankful for the things that happened, but, let’s promise not to let it happen again. I’ll improve myself to make me a better person, you said that instead of enduring at our faults, we should embrace the shortcomings.

I don’t know what the future hold for us, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but yes, I’m willing to be the person sleeping beside you in 5 years time, see us in the future 🙂

Things that I’ve learned.

So I’m feeling a little less crappy than I did, and I’m glad I am able to sort out my thoughts now that I am feeling slightly better.

My life has been a whirlwind since last week. Finally, we both could not handle the stress from work and school anymore, and we had a long talk over it. Now then I have time to write down my thoughts, I’m going to pen down what I’ve learned from our relationship for the past 40 months.

He loves you unconditionally 
So, like every other girl, I like romance. I honestly love it when my boyfriend gives me surprises now and then, sends me home, buy me flowers, do random sweet things. I mean which girl doesn’t? By the way, this was one of the things we talked and, he told me this,

I’m not like guys of your age (I’m currently 22), I’m like a piece of wood, I don’t know how to plan surprises, I’m not romantic, I’m not the kinda guy who is very good with words. I know romance is important to girls, but I am who I am. If you were to choose between romance and me, which one would you choose?

I chose him without a doubt on the spot. He then said

I would be really disappointed if you chose romance instead of me. Because no matter what, I’ll always choose you.

I had no idea why I can let go of this tiny bit of romance that I longed for, and chose him without much thought. I really have no idea. But after thinking, that’s when I realize, because, his love for me was unconditional. There is no condition to his love for me. It’s simple, he loves me, because its me. He chose me, because I am who I am.

He will never compare you.
I am absolutely guilty for this, I have always compared him to other people. This is a fault in me that I really have to change. He sees me for who I am, and always believes that, no one is perfect in this world. Instead of comparing, he tells me where I have to work and change for the better.

He thinks of you more than what you can expect.
Because my boyfriend is not really good with his words, and he is not romantic, I tend to always overthink and think that he doesn’t love me. Also because I always see how affectionate other people’s boyfriends can be online, I have a very negative thought that he doesn’t love me. And this is where I was terribly wrong. He thinks of me more than I expected, I will link this to the next point to elaborate more.

Guys also have their insecurities.
I guess the media always portrayed guys as the strong one, a guy shed his blood, but not tears. But, after the long talk and much thought about it, guys have their own insecurities as well. My boyfriend has his own esteem issues, as with any other guys or human beings on Earth. All of us have securities issues, and he tries to hide them away. He shared with me some of his issues and I have to be a better girlfriend and make him feel better as I improve myself and our relationship!

He needs encouragement as well.
Well, its only until today that I realize I have been the one living in a fantasy, seeking the perfect relationship. There is no perfect relationship, only imperfect couples working together to achieve their goals. I always think that he should be the one to initiate the convo, and that it is something a guy should do. But NO! I started taking the initiative more lately and it seems like its better, today, I tried to make a joke out of something, and he was actually laughing at it, and instead of just stopping at there. I tried to give him more encouragements than I usually would.

Things like,

You’re amazing!/ You deserve a good rest after all the hard work!/Awesome!/ Thank you for doing well on your job!

Simple words like these, I believe can make his day, and he ended our night with this,

You’re important to me.

I know he’s hell tired because he worked from 8-8 today, and yet, he managed to send this short yet loving message to me. Sentences like this, are more heart-warming than “I love you”.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

And being the usual me, I cried after the whole saga, but he said to me, I will always remember this,

I will never leave you, never abandon you. Unless you don’t want me. Now that you know about all these, instead of crying, why not treat me better?

Thank you my amazing superman, you’re important to me as well.

2014-12-26 00.55.10

I hate this feeling,

I hate this feeling, the feelings that I feel now. I really hate it, and it’s making me sick, yet I can’t seem to tell anybody what am I feeling right now.

I guess, this is my down period, and a test whether will I (we) pass or fail? I suddenly lost the motivation for everything. I seldom feel this way, and I really hate myself for feeling this way. Really hope school and Chingay can make me busy soon, I don’t know how long can I stand feeling this way. I seem to lost all my smiles, I seem to always trying to make myself feel happy, but deep down, I’m not happy at all. All I can feel is fear, sadness and a sense of helplessness.

I don’t like to feel sad, can someone make me happy again? I hate crying myself to sleep every single night. I have never been sleeping well since last week, so many thoughts are on my mind.

I need to be happy soon, soon, maybe? please.

The normal student.

I got restless while doing my readings for my class on Wed and decided to just go to Facebook, sometimes, there are interesting articles over there as well 🙂

Came across this article by The Straits Times website, http://www.straitstimes.com/news/singapore/education/story/being-normal-portraits-2014-n-level-graduates-20141219#sthash.aEre98bR.gbpl

This article titled, “Being normal: Portraits of 2014 N-level graduates”. The portraits of the various graduates reminded me of how I went through the period as well, to chase my dreams, to do something I really wanted. I saw the same me 7 years back.

Being in the Normal Academic stream, we often get look down upon by many people. We were not as smart as the others were, and we often get compared to the Express stream. It sucks, but, that’s the way life is. I remember I had an English teacher during my Secondary School days (Sec 3 to be precise), he said this to our class:

” Even China students who had poor command for English did better than you guys. They have the perseverance to work and study hard, and they even score better than you all in English. And look at you guys, always getting around C or B for English.”

Oh wells, yeah. It is the past, but I still remembered what he said.

Then it came Sec 4, and boy am I glad we got the other teacher. FYI: We had 2 teacher during Sec 3, Mr. G. and Mr. Y. Mr. Y was really encouraging, I’m not gonna go beat around the bush about how great Mr. Y is. He has inspired me to be a great teacher in the future 🙂

This is probably just one of the few nasty comments that I’ve heard. Being an NA student was not easy, it took us 5 years to complete the N and O level. N level is a stepping stone for every one of us, and I’m glad that I’ve made the right choice, to go into NA. My PSLE was not fantastic, but I had the option to choose between NA and EXP back then, I choose NA. Since then, I have never regretted my choice. I look at where I am now, I’ve grown so much because of the struggles we face as a NA kid. We receive more negative remarks than others, we get look down by others, we are deemed as not successful.

I’m not saying that I am very successful now, but I am working towards my dream. I took the long route as well, after I completed my N levels, I went to take my O levels, then finish my polytechnic diploma in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, and now, I’m a Sociology major in SMU. The irony to the teacher’s comment is, English has now become my daily bread. I read, eat, study English (lol, weird phrasing but as long as I get the message across).

So, never give up. When someone looks down on you, stand up. You don’t need to prove them wrong, but, you cannot let their comments defeat you.

#NA #the normal student #ST #straits times